Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
