Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
