I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
