no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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