Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
