i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize