Sponge bath it is.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
