3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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