My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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