I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
