If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
