we made out on top of his cat.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize