I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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