So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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