weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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