Have you finally orgasmed yet?
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
it hurts more in the daytime
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
