a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I will be naked everywhere
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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