time to smoke my breakfast
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
