I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
