i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
