you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
