She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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