I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
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There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize