just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
