I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
