I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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