Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
