I think I died a long time ago.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
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just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
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You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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