Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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