i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I believe in your delicious
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
