talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
