There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
