is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
