I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
