whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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