For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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