as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
