I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
