its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
