Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
