what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
