nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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