Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
