true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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