I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
