Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
