If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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