You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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