My Higher Power is John Stamos
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
my shit smells like andre
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
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