She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
