Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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