I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
