it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
