He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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