His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
