TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize