Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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