I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
