I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
